Right now, we are going through an extremely challenging time. Many of my empath patients are suffering tremendously from the massive suffering and fear that is manifesting in the world. This makes them and all sensitive people particularly vulnerable to overwhelm, exhaustion and anxiety. Especially when many of them have been taught that being compassionate means it’s their job to remove other people’s pain.

This is not true. You can hold a supportive space for someone without absorbing their distress in your own body. Finding this balance is the art of healing. Inwardly you can say, “This is not my burden to carry.” It is impossible to fix someone and it is really none of your business to try. More than twenty years of being a physician has taught me that everybody deserves the dignity of their own path.

Here are a few tips from Thriving as an Empath: 365 Days of Self-Care for Sensitive People to decrease your stress level and find your center, even in the midst of uncertainty and chaos.

1. Practice deep breathing to exhale stress
2. Limit exposure to news
3. Do not let others feed your panic. Even though we are going through a scary time now, panic is not the key to any door. When you feel panic, breathe deeply, meditate for a few minutes to center yourself, and focus on feeling safe in the now.
4. If you notice yourself absorbing the stress or pain of others, take some alone time to regroup and replenish yourself.
5. Do not get into victim mode. Try to see the lessons you can learn from chaos and crises rather than feeling only victimized.
6. Stay in the Now. The only way to get through this is a day at a time. Try to stop yourself when your mind catastrophizes about the future.

Many empaths are used to socially distancing as part of their everyday lives so it may take less getting used to than others experience. Earth is not a realm just of sweetness and light. It has great darkness here, and also great suffering. Our intention, as sensitive people, is to not become martyrs and victims, but to try to summon all the light possible to increase the light in the world and overcome the darkness with love. This requires faith, and a strong belief in love—we can all do it together.

Practice this intention from “Thriving as an Empath”

I can be compassionate without becoming a martyr or taking on another person’s pain. I can respect someone’s healing process without trying to “fix” them.

Adapted from Dr. Judith Orloff’s book “The Empath’s Survival Guide: Life Strategies for Sensitive People” (Sounds True, 2017)

To follow Dr. Orloff, please stop by http://www.youtube.com/judithorloffmd anytime.

When I took a close history of all these patients I found that they were what I call “physical empaths:” people whose bodies are so porous they absorb the symptoms of others. I relate because I am one. Physical empaths do not have the defenses that others have to screen things out. As a psychiatrist, knowing this significantly changed how I treated these patients. My job became teaching them to center and protect themselves, set healthy boundaries, and let go of energy they picked up from others.

To determine if you are a physical empath take the following quiz.

Quiz: Am I a Physical Empath? 

Ask yourself:

·  Have I been labeled as overly sensitive or a hypochondriac?

·  Have I ever sat next to someone who seemed nice but suddenly my eyelids got heavy and I felt like taking a nap?

·  Do I feel uneasy, tired, or sick in crowds and avoid them?

·  Do I feel someone else’s anxiety or physical pain in my body?

·  Do I feel exhausted by angry or hostile people?

·  Do I run from doctor to doctor for medical tests, but I’m told “You’re fine.”

·  Am I chronically tired or have many unexplained symptoms

·  Do I frequently feel overwhelmed by the world and want to stay home?

If you answered “yes” to 1-3 questions you are at least part empath. Responding yes to 4 to5 questions indicates you have moderate degree of physical empathy. 6 to 7 “yeses” indicate you have a high degree of empathy. Eight yeses indicate you are a full blown empath.

Discovering that you are a physical empath can be a revelation. Rest assured: You are not crazy. You are not a malingerer or hypochondriac. You are not imagining things, though your doctor might treat you like a nuisance. You are a sensitive person with a gift that you must develop and successfully manage.

Strategies to Surrender Toxic Energy

Physical empathy doesn’t have to overwhelm you. Now that I can center myself and refrain from taking on other people’s pain, empathy has made my life more compassionate, insightful, and richer. Here are some secrets to thriving as a physical empath that I’ve learned so that it doesn’t take a toll on my health.

 9 Strategies To Stop Absorbing Other People’s Illness and Pain 

·  Evaluate. First, ask yourself: Is this symptom or emotion mine or someone else’s? It could be both. If the emotion such as fear or anger is yours, gently confront what’s causing it on your own or with professional help. If it’s not yours, try to pinpoint the obvious generator.

·  Move away. When possible, distance yourself by at least twenty feet from the suspected source. See if you feel relief. Don’t err on the side of not wanting to offend strangers. In a public place, don’t hesitate to change seats if you feel a sense of “dis-ease” imposing on you.

·  Know your vulnerable points. Each of us has a body part that is more vulnerable to absorbing others’ stress. Mine is my gut. Scan your body to determine yours. Is it you neck? Do you get sore throats? Headaches? Bladder infections? At the onset of symptoms in these areas, place your palm there and keep sending loving-kindness to that area to soothe discomfort. For longstanding depression or pain, use this method daily to strengthen yourself. It’s comforting and builds a sense of safety and optimism.

·  Surrender to your breath. If you suspect you are picking up someone else’s symptoms, concentrate on your breath for a few minutes. This is centering and connects you to your power.

·  Practice Guerilla Meditation. To counter emotional or physical distress, act fast and meditate for a few minutes. Do this at home, at work, at parties, or conferences. Or, take refuge in the bathroom. If it’s public, close the stall. Meditate there. Calm yourself. Focus on positivity and love.

·  Set healthy limits and boundaries. Control how much time you spend listening to stressful people, and learn to say “no.” Remember, “no” is a complete sentence.

·  Visualize protection around you. Visualize an envelope of white light around your entire body. Or with extremely toxic people, visualize a fierce black jaguar patrolling and protecting your energy field against intruders.

·  Develop X ray vision. The spaces between the vertebrae in your lower back (lumbar spine) are conducive to eliminating pain from the body. It’s helpful to learn to mindfully direct pain out of these spaces by visualizing it leaving your body. Say goodbye to pain as it blends with the giant energy matrix of life!

·  Take a bath or shower. A quick way to dissolve stress is to immerse yourself in water. My bath is my sanctuary after a busy day. It washes away everything from bus exhaust to long hours of air travel to pesky symptoms I have taken on from others. Soaking in natural mineral springs divinely purifies all that ails.

Keep practicing these strategies. By protecting yourself and your space, you can create a magical safe bubble around you that nurtures you, while simultaneously driving negative people away. Don’t panic if you occasionally pick up pain or some other nasty symptom. It happens. With strategies I discuss in my book to surrender other people’s symptoms you can have quicker responses to stressful situations. This will make you feel safer, healthier, and your sensitivities can blossom.

Adapted from Dr. Judith Orloff’s book “The Empath’s Survival Guide: Life Strategies for Sensitive People” (Sounds True, 2017)

Early trauma can come in many forms. Possible sources include:

• Hearing your parents or siblings frequently argue
• Being repeatedly yelled at
• Physical and/or emotional abuse
• Being shamed or blamed for being “overly sensitive.”
• Being bullied

Even experiencing intense ongoing household noise and chaos can feel traumatic. An empathic child’s highly sensitive system can absorb more stress than others would in these situations.

When empaths are exposed to early trauma or abuse their young nervous system may develop without healing making them hypervigilant. They can become exquisitely attuned to their environment to ward off threats and ensure they are safe or enter a state of hyperarousal. This hypervigilance is extremely draining for empaths.

Your past can still affect you now. When you are exposed to a similar stimulus as an adult such as a disagreement with your partner, you may have an exaggerated emotional response because you are flashing back to the original trauma. (This is similar to a veteran who misreads a car backfiring as an exploding bomb.) With post-traumatic stress, your system can’t fully return to its calmer state before the upset or even the initial incident. You are never quite at rest and remain aware of protecting yourself from further threats.

Empaths are often mistaken for being aloof or snobbish, but others don’t realize that the distance you seem to keep is because you’re focused on protecting yourself and ensuring that the ground is solid. The Buddhists say, there is always a groundless ground there to support you. Even when you are inundated with excessive stimulation, the groundless ground is always there.

To find your solid ground follow these seven strategies from “Thriving as an Empath” to help heal your past trauma.

7 Healing Strategies

1. Journal about your early traumas. Then you can be aware of them. None are “too small” to count. This is the first step to freeing yourself from the past.
2. Retrieve your inner child. In a quiet moment, think back to when the early trauma occurred. How old were you? Where did it take place? Then picture yourself returning to the house or other location where it happened and retrieving your wounded inner child who has been stuck there. Tell the child “I am sorry you were hurt and I will never allow that to happen to you again.” Then take the child home with you to care for with love.
3. Emotional Release. As you heal, many emotions will surface: anger, fear, depression, self-doubt. Let yourself feel and express these emotions—a supportive therapist can create a safe environment for you to do this.
4. Set Clear Boundaries. Learn to stick up for yourself. Don’t be a doormat. If someone isn’t treating you well, say in a firm, neutral tone, “Let’s discuss this when you’re calmer” or “It hurts my feelings when you say…I’d appreciate it if you would stop.” Also remember that “No” is a complete sentence. Sensitive people are often afraid to disappoint others but it’s essential to get in the habit of saying “no” when something doesn’t feel right.
5. Conscious Breathing. When your old traumas are being triggered take a few slow deep breaths to calm your system before your respond.
6. Meditate. Regular meditation calms the mind, body, and soul. It decreases sensory overload and keeps your system in a peaceful state.
7. Practice Self-Compassion. Shower yourself with love and kindness as you go through the healing process. You are a caring person who deserves to be loved.

It is often helpful to consult a therapist to work through the original trauma. Useful techniques for clearing trauma include EMDR, the Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) and somatic awareness. Since trauma often lodges in the body it’s also useful to get regular massage or energy work to clear any remnants that are hanging on.

Give yourself time to heal. Be patient and loving with yourself. Mourn the losses you experience. Allow yourself to experience your feelings and memories without any judgement. Healing is an exercise in loving yourself.

The great news is that past trauma can be healed. In that process, you will become more at ease with your empathic abilities and learn to protect your sensitivities using the strategies I suggested. As a result, you’ll be able to relax more. The world will feel like a safer place to inhabit.

Set Your Intention

I will identify my early traumas. I will notice how my reactions to them may be repeating in my relationships today. I am capable of healing from these wounds.

(Adapted from “Thriving as an Empath: 365 Days of Self-Care for Sensitive People” and “The Empath’s Empowerment Journal” by Judith Orloff, MD)

Judith Orloff, MD is the New York Times best-selling author of The Empath’s Survival Guide. Her new book Thriving as an Empath offers daily self-care tools for sensitive people along with its companion The Empath’s Empowerment Journal. Dr. Orloff is a psychiatrist, an empath, and is on the UCLA Psychiatric Clinical Faculty. She synthesizes the pearls of traditional medicine with cutting edge knowledge of intuition, energy, and spirituality. Dr. Orloff also specializes in treating highly sensitive, empathic people in her private practice. Dr. Orloff’s work has been featured on The Today Show, CNN, Oprah Magazine, the New York Times. Dr. Orloff has spoken at Google-LA and has a popular TEDX talk. Her other books are Emotional Freedom and Guide to Intuitive Healing. Explore more information about her Empath Support Online course and speaking schedule on www.drjudithorloff.com.

Here are some additional tips from my books, Emotional Freedom and Positive Energy to help you set boundaries, especially when it feels really awkward.

Dealing with an Emotional Drainer

If you meet someone and your energy starts bottoming out, don’t think twice about politely removing yourself from this killing interchange. One of my favorite foolproof lines is, “Excuse me; I really have to go to the bathroom.” Even the most intrepid vampire doesn’t have a counter-argument for that. It’s important that you move at least twenty feet from beyond the person’s energy field. Whenever your well-being feels at risk around certain people, make a tactful and swift exit. In a spot, physically extruding yourself is a sure, quick solution.

Dealing with a Constant Talker

The secret to dealing with a constant talker is knowing they don’t respond to nonverbal cues. You have no choice but to make your needs audible. Tone is especially critical with these vampires. They’re hypersensitive to rejection, which provokes them to ramp up their verbiage.

So, with a constant talker try to be caring–these are wounded people!–but stay definite and neutral. Then, from a heart-center, set the parameters of your dialogue. Then you won’t be left limp, resentful, or forced into rudeness.  You can politely say, “I’m a very quiet person, so excuse me for not talking a long time,” or “I feel left out when you dominate the conversation. I’d really appreciate a few minutes to talk too.”

Dealing with a Criticizer

If an intimate or co-worker keeps telling you how to deal with something, politely say, “I value your advice, but I really want to work through this myself.” You may need to remind the controller of your position several times, always in a kind, neutral tone. Repetition is key. Respectfully reiterating your stance over days or weeks will slowly recondition negative communication patterns and redefine the terms of the relationship. If you reach an impasse, agree to disagree. Then make the subject off limits.

Dealing with a Complainer

The moment you sense a complainer revving up, take a slow, deep breath to center yourself. Breathing is a wonderful way to quickly reconnect with your life force so their in-your-face intensity won’t sear into your energy field and cause burn-out. Keep concentrating on your breath. Tell yourself you know what’s happening, and you can handle it. As I remind my patients: you have power here.

I know how easily we can lose it. But, when beset by this overheated drainer, you need to own that moment. Do so by letting your breath release tension and ground you. This will keep you from getting caught up in their story. Then lovingly tell them, “Our relationship is important to me, but it’s not helpful to keep feeling sorry for yourself. I can only listen for five minutes unless you’re ready to discuss solutions,” or “I’m really sorry that’s happening to you.” Then, after listening briefly, smile and say, “I’ll keep good thoughts for things to work out. I hope you understand, I’m on deadline and I must return to work.”

If you feel like you are being overwhelmed by a difficult person here are some strategies to help you gain control and become centered again.

• When you feel attacked break eye contact to stop the transfer of negativity.
• Use the breath to retrieve your life force. Let it function like a vacuum cleaner. With each inhalation visualize yourself power-suctioning back every drop of energy that’s being snatched from you. Keep inhaling until the job is done. Do this in the presence of a vampire or later on.
• Exhale negative energy and stress out the back of your lower spine. There are spaces between your lumbar vertebrae, natural exit points for energy. Touch the area; get a feel for the anatomy. When toxicity accumulates, expel it through these spaces. Envision dark gunk leaving your body. Then breathe in fresh air and sunlight, a quick re-vitalizer. 
• Jump in a bath or shower to clear negativity and prevent further drain. If you are feeling particularly drained add Epson salts or sea salts to the water.  If you are in the shower you can rub sea salt on your skin and then wash it off.  Drink plenty of water to flush toxicity from your system too.  Also you can burn sage where this vampire has been to purify every nook and cranny. (This works well in hotel rooms when a prior guest’s left-over energy feels uncomfortable, but use only a little so you don’t trigger the smoke alarm!)

Adapted from Dr. Judith Orloff’s NY Times bestseller “Emotional Freedom: Liberate Yourself From Negative Emotions and Transform Your Life” and “Positive Energy: 10 Extraordinary Prescriptions for Transforming Fatigue, Stress, and Fear into Vibrance, Strength, and Love”

Judith Orloff, MD is a psychiatrist, an empath and a New York Times best-selling author of “Guide to Intuitive Healing: 5 Steps to Physical, Emotional, and Sexual Wellness,” a book which shows how intuition can be used in self-healing, healing others, and helping to heal the world. Her other books include “The Empath’s Survival Guide” and “Emotional Freedom.” As an intuitive healer and member of the UCLA clinical psychiatric faculty, Dr. Orloff synthesizes the pearls of traditional medicine with cutting edge knowledge of intuition, energy, and spirituality. She also specializes in treating highly sensitive, empathic people in her private practice. Learn more at www.drjudithorloff.com.

As an intuitive psychiatrist I worship my high-octane intuitions: I owe the blessing of becoming a physician to one. However, at twenty, when an unwavering inner voice told me I was going to medical school, it was the last thing I thought I wanted. This gut centered voice committed to your happiness, health, and survival, is, with practice, accessible to everyone. But when you deviate even a nano-fraction from your inner voice, energy wanes, whether a subtle seepage or radical bottoming out. The more ferociously faithful you are to this truth the more energized you’ll be.

Intuition offers a direct line to your life force, and also, as I experience it, to a divine intelligence. We can’t afford to remain deaf to intuition’s messages. Its expertise is energy; its job is to know every nuance of what makes you tick. A master at reading vibes, intuition is constantly tallying: what gives positive energy, what dissipates it. Who you meet, where you go, your job, your family, current events, are all evaluated–crucial data that you can learn to interpret and apply.

Here’s a formula from my book, Positive Energy to help you get started. First, listen to your body: there are positive and negative intuitions about relationships which highlight compatible matches. Second, act on this information, which is often the hardest part. Let me walk you through the process.

Recognize Your Body’s Intuitions About Vibes
A people-skill most of our parents didn’t know or teach us is intuitively reading vibes. We’ve learned to draw conclusions from surface data: how nice someone seems, looks, education, or if a situation adds up on paper. But intuition goes deeper; to make it work for you other ingredients must be considered such as what positive vibes feel like, for instance a sense of heart, compassion, and nurturance. In contrast, negative people project prickly, draining vibes that put you on guard.

Here is a general guideline of body-based intuitions. Use this checklist at a first meeting, to troubleshoot problems if you’re already involved, or to weigh “opportunities.” Also, feel free to add to it. Being an intuitive, I know that a signature energy always accompanies situations or people.

Remember the Lil’ Abner jinxed cartoon character who always had a black cloud hanging over his head? Not a vibe that bodes well for auspicious outcomes. Instead, learn to gravitate towards brightness, a positive intuition your body’s response will affirm. When tuning into vibes take a few quiet moments to go into sensing mode, not intellectual analysis. Look for these signs to determine attraction.

Positive Intuitions About Relationships or Situations

• a feeling of comforting familiarity or brightness; you may sense you’ve known the person before, as with the experience of Deja-vu
• you breathe easier, chest and shoulders are relaxed, gut is calm
• you find yourself leaning forward, not defensively crossing your arms or edging away to keep a distance
• your heart opens; you feel safe, peaceful, energized, expansive, or alive
• you’re at ease with a person’s touch whether a handshake, hug or during intimacy

Negative Intuitions About Relationships or Situations

• a sick feeling in the pit of your stomach or increased stomach acid which may prompt an unpalatable Deja-vu
• your skin starts crawling, you’re jumpy, instinctively withdraw if touched
• shoulder muscles are in knots, chest area or throat constricts; you notice aggravated aches or pains
• the hair on the back of your neck creepily stands on end
• a sense of malaise, darkness, pressure, agitation, or being drained

Intuition helps you act from instinct, not impulse–a look before you leap wisdom that points you to positive energy. When it comes to who you love, where your work, or any important decision, the last thing you want to be is vague. Tuning in keeps you specific. Practice the next exercise to get this down.

With Intuition Learn How to Pin Down and Act on Your Vibes
Now you’re going to tune in, trust your body, and make choices based on the vibes you sense.

Tune In: Choose a relationship or situation that needs clarification about whether or not to go forward. Perhaps a friendship, vacation or move. Begin with an easier target before you take on higher stakes. Run it by this section’s criteria for positive and negative intuitions–or others you find reliable. It’s helpful to make a top five list of the most killer indicators of positive attraction. For one of my patients it includes feeling energized and safe. Another must register an increased aliveness and peaceful sense. Write your top five in a journal so they don’t get hazy. See how they add up here.

Act On Vibes: This is where we must be warriors. I know personally and from patients how much easier it is to tune into than to act on vibes. Insecurity, ego, lust, stubbornness can obscure better judgment. Sometimes it takes succumbing to them all to realize you won’t tolerate such battering again. But if you don’t have to take such a bumpy route, try these options. If the vibes feel overall positive, go for it; explore possibilities. If the vibes are mixed or you’re unsure, take a pass or at least wait. If there’s just negative, have the courage to walk away, no matter how tempting the option seems. Then observe how listening to energy in this way leads you to the juiciest opportunities.

Now I want you to start listening. Really listening. I guarantee you’ll start making smarter choices. Why? You’ll be operating from a spot inside that’s juicy, core-felt, authentic–not from an impulse to conform or disown your strength. You won’t be seduced by what may look good, but betrays your gut. Intuition is a truth detector.

Judith Orloff, MD is a psychiatrist, an empath and a New York Times best-selling author of “Guide to Intuitive Healing: 5 Steps to Physical, Emotional, and Sexual Wellness,” a book which shows how intuition can be used in self-healing, healing others, and helping to heal the world. Her other books include “The Empath’s Survival Guide” and “Emotional Freedom.” As an intuitive healer and member of the UCLA clinical psychiatric faculty, Dr. Orloff synthesizes the pearls of traditional medicine with cutting edge knowledge of intuition, energy, and spirituality. She also specializes in treating highly sensitive, empathic people in her private practice. Learn more at www.drjudithorloff.com.

In my book on Emotional Freedom, I discuss how toxic jealousy can be and how to heal it. In my psychotherapy work with patients, I’ve seen it destroy relationships. Jealousy and envy may be hard to admit because they’re the opposite if good will. They’re politically incorrect emotions for “spiritual” people to have. It’s difficult to admit–to ourselves or others–that we don’t want the best for others because their assets or accomplishments make us feel small. Or to acknowledge the depth of our self-doubt about our own value. Nevertheless, to be emotionally free, we must do both.

Repeatedly, I’ve seen how denying these feelings can make my patients passive-aggressively hostile: They unconsciously respond by putting others down to defend against a shaky self-image. Jealousy is a sign of low self-esteem. It can become a chronic cause of suffering if you don’t address it. 

How jealousy or envious are you? Find out by taking the following quiz. Having these feelings, even a little, can work against you. But try to be honest without judging yourself. We all possess these tendencies to a varying extent at different times. Be brave: identify areas where you need to grow. Using the techniques I’ll suggest, you’ll soon progress as you solidify self-esteem.

Jealousy and Envy Quiz: How Jealous Or Envious Am I?

Ask yourself:

• Do I sometimes get satisfaction from putting people down?
• Would I feel relieved if a colleague didn’t get promoted, even though I may like him or her?
• Do I often think that others are better off than me?
• Do I resent people who seem to have everything?
• Do I feel diminished by someone’s beauty, brains, or accomplishments?
• Am I afraid of people trying to outdo me?
• Am I threatened by my mate’s past? 
• Am I bent out of shape when my mate looks at someone else?
• Do I see my mate’s friends as rivals for my attention or affection?

Answering “yes” to six or more questions indicates a significant amount of jealousy or envy. 3-5 “yeses,” a moderate amount. 1-2 “yeses,” a small amount. Zero “yeses,” probably very little (or, you’re kidding yourself). Be aware that even one affirmative response gives you an opportunity to clear these emotions.

The key to shifting the negativity of jealousy and envy is to identify when they surface, then replace them with what’s positive. How? Using the techniques below  try to wish the best for someone. This can be really tough. Your ego isn’t going to be thrilled about the idea; it’s too riddled with insecurity. Override it by coming from a higher place–something you may resist, but attempt it anyways. Against your instincts though this exercise may seem, it’ll take jealousy by surprise so you can overcome it.

How To Release Jealousy and Envy

Phase 1. Express your feelings.

Share them with someone safe. No editing. Let it all out. Burst the boil. This emotional expression must happen to ready you for the next phase of release.

Phase 2. Practice these strategies to transform jealousy:

§  Root for a rival’s happiness. Fat chance, you might think. But doing this changes the pattern of negativity. Begin with an attitude change, though it may take a while to fully mean it. Say to yourself, “I want my rival to be happy.” This points you in a more positive direction. Then, as you get more comfortable with this attitude, try going further. Tell someone you envy, “You’re doing a fantastic job.”  In addition, pray for the person–and not just that a higher power removes their countless faults! Get it right. Pray for his or her happiness and prosperity. This constructive intent will gather a momentum of its own. 

§  Put the names or photos of people you’re jealous of next to a bouquet of flowers, or, if you have them, statues of Buddha or Quan Yin. Consider these people teachers who can help you transcend negativity. There won’t be any shortage of instructors!

§  Learn from a rival’s positive points. Get your mind off of what you perceive you lack and towards self-improvement. Yoko Ono says, “Transform jealousy to admiration, and what you admire will become part of your life,” an inspiring credo to live by .

Practicing the above actions builds self-esteem by giving you the confidence and satisfaction of becoming a bigger person. It reinforces the cosmic law that when you support others and wish them well, it helps you too. Realizing that jealousy and envy cause suffering gives you the motivation to get past them.

To follow Dr. Orloff, please stop by www.youtube.com/judithorloffmd anytime.

As a psychiatrist and empath myself, I know the challenges of being a highly sensitive person. When overwhelmed with the impact of stressful emotions, empaths can have panic attacks, depression, chronic fatigue, food, sex and drug binges, and many physical symptoms that defy traditional medical diagnosis.

But an empath doesn’t have to feel too much and be overloaded once they learn how to center themselves. The first step is to acknowledge that you are an empath. Here are the top 10 traits of an empath from my book, The Empath’s Survival Guide. See if you can relate to them. 

10 Traits of an Empath

1. Empaths are highly sensitive

Empaths are naturally giving, spiritually open, and good listeners. If you want heart, empaths have got it. Through thick and thin, they’re there for you, world-class nurturers. But they can easily have their feelings hurt. Empaths are often told that they are “too sensitive” and need to toughen up.

2. Empaths absorb other people’s emotions

Empaths are highly attuned to other people’s moods, good and bad. They feel everything, sometimes to an extreme. They take on negativity such as anger or anxiety which is exhausting. If they are around peace and love, their bodies take these on and flourish.

3. Many empaths are introverted

Empaths become overwhelmed in crowds, which can amplify their empathy. They tend to be introverted and prefer one to one contact or small groups. Even if an empath is more extroverted they prefer limiting how much time they can be in a crowd or at a party.

4. Empaths are highly intuitive

Empaths experience the world through their intuition. It is important for them to develop their intuition and listen to their gut feelings about people. This will help empaths find positive relationships and avoid energy vampires. Read Five Steps to Develop Your Intuition to learn more.

5. Empaths need alone time

As super-responders, being around people can drain an empath so they periodically need alone time to recharge their batteries. Even a brief escape prevents emotionally overload. Empaths like to take their own cars when they go places so they can leave when they please.

6. Empaths can become overwhelmed in intimate relationships

Too much togetherness can be difficult for an empath so they may avoid intimate relationships. Deep down they are afraid of being engulfed and losing their identity. For empaths to be at ease in a relationship, the traditional paradigm for being a couple must be re-defined. For strategies see my article Relationship Tips for Sensitive People.

7. Empaths are targets for energy vampires

An empath’s sensitivity makes them particularly easy marks for energy vampires, whose fear or rage can sap their energy and peace of mind. Vampires do more than drain an empath’s physical energy. The especially dangerous ones such as narcissists (they lack empathy and are only concerned with themselves) can make them believe they’re unworthy and unlovable. Other vampires include The Victim, The Chronic Talker, The Drama Queen and more. To help you deal with the drainers in your life read 4 Strategies to Survive Emotional Vampires.

8. Empaths become replenished in nature

The busyness of ever day life can be too much for an empath. The natural world nourishes and restores them. It helps them to release their burdens and they take refuge in the presence of green wild things, the ocean or other bodies of water.

9. Empaths have highly tuned senses

An empath’s nerves can get frayed by noise, smells, or excessive talking.

10. Empaths have huge hearts but sometimes give too much

Empaths are big-hearted people and try to relieve the pain of others. A homeless person holding a cardboard sign, “I’m hungry” at a busy intersection; a hurt child; a distraught friend. It’s natural to want to reach out to them, ease their pain. But empaths don’t stop there. Instead, they take it on. Suddenly they’re the one feeling drained or upset when they felt fine before.

As an empath myself, I use many strategies to protect my sensitivities such as fierce time management, setting limits and boundaries with draining people, meditation to calm and center myself, and going out into nature. Being an empath is a gift in my life but I had to learn to take care of myself. Empaths have special needs. It’s important to honor yours and communicate them to loved ones.

Adapted from Dr. Judith Orloff’s book, The Empath’s Survival Guide: Life Strategies for Sensitive People (Sounds True, 2017)

Emotional freedom means learning how to stay centered in a stressful, highly emotionally charged world. Since emotions such as fear, anger, and frustration are energies, you can potentially “catch” them from people without realizing it.

If you tend to be an emotional sponge, it’s vital to know how to avoid taking on an individual’s negative emotions or the free-floating kind in crowds. Another twist is that chronic anxiety, depression, or stress can turn you into an emotional sponge by wearing down your defenses. Suddenly, you become hyper-attuned to others, especially those with similar pain.

That’s how empathy works; we zero in on hot-button issues that are unresolved in ourselves. From an energetic standpoint, negative emotions can originate from several sources. What you’re feeling may be your own; it may be someone else’s; or it may be a combination. I’ll explain how to tell the difference and strategically bolster positive emotions so you don’t shoulder negativity that doesn’t belong to you.

This wasn’t something I always knew how to do. Growing up, my girlfriends couldn’t wait to hit the shopping malls and go to parties, the bigger the better–but I didn’t share their excitement.

I always felt overwhelmed, exhausted around large groups of people, though I was clueless why. “What’s the matter with you?” friends would say, shooting me the weirdest looks. All I knew was that crowded places and I just didn’t mix. I’d go there feeling just fine but leave nervous, depressed, or with some horrible new ache or pain. Unsuspectingly, I was a gigantic sponge, absorbing the emotions of people around me.

With my patients, I’ve also seen how absorbing other people’s emotions can trigger panic attacks, depression, food, sex and drug binges, and a plethora of physical symptoms that defy traditional medical diagnosis. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention report that more than two million Americans suffer from chronic fatigue. It’s likely that many of them are emotional sponges.

Here are some strategies from Emotional Freedom to practice. They will help you to stop absorbing other people’s emotions.

Emotional Action Step: How To Stay Centered In A Stressful World

To detach from other people’s negative emotions:

• • First, ask yourself: Is the feeling mine or someone else’s? It could be both. If the emotion such as fear or anger is yours, gently confront what’s causing it on your own or with professional help. If not, try to pinpoint the obvious generator. For instance, if you’ve just watched a comedy, yet you came home from the movie theater feeling blue, you may have incorporated the depression of the people sitting beside you; in close proximity, energy fields overlap. The same is true with going to a mall or packed concert.
  • When possible, distance yourself from the suspected source. Move at least twenty feet away; see if you feel relief. Don’t err on the side of not wanting to offend strangers. In a public place, don’t hesitate to change seats if you feel a sense of depression imposing on you.
  • For a few minutes, center yourself by concentrating on your breath: This connects you to your essence. Keep exhaling negativity, inhaling calm. This helps to ground yourself and purify fear or other difficult emotions Visualize negativity as gray fog lifting from your body, and hope as golden light entering. This can yield quick results.
  • Negative emotions such as fear frequently lodge in your emotional center at the solar plexus. Place your palm there as you keep sending loving-kindness to that area to flush stress out. For longstanding depression or anxiety, use this method daily to strengthen this center. It’s comforting and builds a sense of safety and optimism.
  • Shield yourself. A handy form of protection many people use, including healers with trying patients, involves visualizing an envelope of white light (or any color you feel imparts power) around your entire body. Think of it as a shield that blocks out negativity or physical discomfort but allows what’s positive to filter in.
  • Look for positive people and situations. Call a friend who sees the good in others. Spend time with a colleague who affirms the bright side of things. Listen to hopeful people. Hear the faith they have in themselves and others. Also relish hopeful words, songs, and art forms. Hope is contagious and it will lift your mood.

Keep practicing these strategies. You don’t have to reinvent the wheel each time you’re on emotional overload. With strategies to cope, you can have quicker retorts to stressful situations, feel safer, and your sensitivities can blossom.

To follow Dr. Orloff, please stop by www.youtube.com/judithorloffmd anytime.

Now, listening to intuition is sacred to me, but learning to trust it has
taken years. I’ve written my book “Second Sight” to assure anyone–especially children–who thought they were weird or crazy for having intuitive experiences, that they are not!

As a child my intuition wasn”t encouraged. I grew up in Beverly Hills the
only daughter of two-physicians with twenty-five physicians in my family.
From age nine, I had dreams and intuitions that would come true. I could
predicts illness, earthquakes, even the suicide of one of my parentís
friends. This confused and alarmed me, as it did my parents who were
entrenched in the hard-core rational world of science. At first they tried
to write my childhood intuitions off as coincidence. Finally, though, after
I dreamed my motherís mentor would loose a political election–which to my
horror, came true–she took me aside and told me, “Never mention another
dream or intuition in our house again!” I”ll never forget the look in my
dear mother”s exasperated, frightened eyes, nothing I ever wanted to see
again. So from that day on, I kept my intuitions to myself. I grew up
ashamed of my abilities, sure there was something wrong with me. My healing
path has been to integrate intuition into my medical practice and life,
something I teach parents and children.

As a psychiatrist I want to encourage you as parents to trust your
intuition, and help your children to do the same. Intuition is a gut
feeling, a sense something is right or feels “off” that goes beyond what
you know with your linear mind. When this is supported in children they
learn to trust their gut and develop a strong sense of confidence in
themselves. For instance, when your child says, “I”m not comfortable with
someone” ask them about it instead of saying, “How can you say that. You
don”t even know the person.” This gives you a chance to honor and explore
your child”s feelings and empower them by listening to their intuition.

In my book “Guide to Intuitive Healing,” I discuss dreams as a potent form of healing and guide to everyday life. In it I teach you you and your children how to remember dreams and benefit from their knowledge. You are in partnership with your dreams. I suggest initiating an ongoing dialogue with them. It’s like consulting the wisest person you can imagine who knows you inside out. You can ask your dreams anything. How can I communicate with my child better? What school system is ideal? Are there ways to stop catching so many colds? You can teach your children to ask question before they go to sleep too. Whatever they’re concerned about or want answers to is fair game. No question is trivial if it is meaningful to you or them.

Dreams provide answers. But first you must retrieve them. How many nights have you awakened with the most amazing dream you were certain you’d recall? Then, the next morning it was gone. Our memory deceives. During sleep, we suffer a kind of amnesia. Dreams are not of the rational mind. Your intuitive memory is what is needed. Here are strategies you and you child can use to remember your dreams.

4 Ways to Remember Dreams

1. Keep a journal permanently installed by your bed
2. Write a question on a piece of paper before you go to sleep. Formalize your request. Place the question on a table beside your bed or under your pillow.
3. In the morning, do not wake up too fast. Stay under the covers for at least a few minutes remembering your dream. Luxuriate in a peaceful feeling between sleep and waking, what scientists call the “hypnogogic state.” Those initial moments provide a doorway.
4. Open your eyes. Write down your dream immediately, otherwise it will evaporate. You may recall a face, object, color, scenario, feel an emotion. It doesn’t matter if it makes perfect sense–or if you retrieve a single image or many. Record everything.
5. Keep repeating this method for a week and answers will come.

When you awaken remember the question you asked the previous night. See how your dream applies. Solutions will surface. It’s fun to have conversations with your child at breakfast about dreams. What did he or she dream? What do you think it meant? How can the information from dreams help them? Talking about dreams is a wonderful way to stimulate your child’s imagination, support their intuition, and forge closeness between you.